Excitement, doubt demons and motivation. That’s what’s on my mind. Or not on my mind as the case may be.
Two full requests on MB in two days from two RWA approved agents. One would think that would excite me, eh? Not so. I’ve had requests for fulls before, and have gotten my hopes up, only to be sucked down by the doubt demons when it turns out to be nothing (or when I just don’t hear back). When these requests came in, I wasn’t excited in the least. Does that mean I’m becoming jaded? Realistic? Just don’t care anymore? Not sure.
I DO care, don’t get me wrong. I DO want an agent to swoop in and grab me, I DO think my writing is good enough to sell. I DO want to snag an agent before Nationals. Do I think it’s going to happen from these requests, though? No clue.
My psychically connected CP says I’m turning toward the dark and pessimistic side. That’s not my M.O. I’m generally a “glass is half full” kinda gal. But being honest about what’s happening and not getting excited about something that may not pan out, seems like the best idea to me at the moment.
My DH on the other hand tells me I need to think positively. That positive enegry negates positive actions. This from the most conservative man on the planet. Go figure. Of course, he did grow up in Eugene, so maybe some of that hippy new-age crap did rub off on him at one time or another (don’t tell his parents.) He gets upset with me if I don’t BELIEVE I’m going to sell this year. Just like he gets upset with me when I laugh at the lottery tickets he buys. “You have to think like a winner, babe.” That’s what I hear all the time. Sorry, honey, we didn’t win the big jackpot last weekend. What does that say about all our positive energy?
So all of this – excitement, doubt demons, pessimism – brings me to the real problem I’m having right now, which is motivation. Since finishing my rewrite on WFM, I have no motivation to jump back into my wip. I can see the scenes, my characters are talking to me, and I “feel” the story, I just have no desire to write it. I thought I needed a few down days…not so. It’s been a week and now I’m wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Did the workshop I went to last weekend help? Not really. Learned a lot of great things, but it didn’t do a thing to make me want to haul my ass back to the grindstone.
I need a swift kick in the pants, people. Anyone want to take a shot?
(Don’t answer that one, Becky.)