I’m off on vacation for the next week. Taking my laptop with me so hopefully I’ll get some serious writing done (or at least figure out what the heck is going to happen in the climax since it’s in the next chapter! Ay ya ya…).

Will be back Labor Day.

Happy writing to all!

I *think* I can post this since it’s already up and running on the world wide web.

Check out Linda’s new website. It is soooo cool! Uber-talented CP Joan is to thank (again) for designing yet another fabulous site. I’ve received nothing but rave reviews about mine. You rock, J!

And in case you missed Linda’s big announcement, be sure to stop by her blog. She landed a top agent and finally signed her contract last Friday. Congrats, Linda! I know big things are on the horizon for you!!! (And I can always say, “I knew her when…”)

See ya, babe! I’m off to the office.

A full day of work looms ahead of me – eight hours with the WIP, full steam ahead. No interruptions, just me and my muse, the computer, a few research books and a gallon of coffee (with half-n-half and splenda, of course).

Yeah, right. In my dreams.

My ‘office’ is a spot on the living room couch with my laptop perched on my knees, research books scattered across the coffee table and floor, and my half-empty cup of cold coffee on a coaster (okay, generally NOT on a coaster) on the table in front of me. More often than not, the older two kids are bopping in and out or screaming in a nearby room, and the baby is at my feet playing on the floor.

Eight full hours of writing, uninterrupted???? I don’t know what I would do with myself!!!

I have learned to be quite prolific amidst general chaos. So much so that in the evenings when the kids have finally gone to sleep and the DH is in the great room watching his gigantosaurus TV, I’m sometimes at a loss. I can write 5 pgs during the day here and there, but give me a couple hours of complete silence and I freeze up. (IM doesn’t always help. LOL Although it’s great for brainstorming!)

I often wonder if I would be more productive if I had my own “space”. We have an office, but it’s DH’s office. And he has his own unique filing system where his work is generally laid out in feverish piles all over his desk. Do I want to move his laptop, clear a space and work in there? Uh…not. You never know what could crawl out from underneath that pile of clinicals. I find sitting on the couch is more comfortable, and it’s easier for me to get up and down to deal with the next big trauma in the house if I’m actually IN the house and not hiding in the corner office. Of course, when I’m printing, working on queries or need to feel “official”, I do work in there, but not all that much.

Do you have a set office where you write? Or are you like me…kinda all over the place and more? I sat in a workshop at Nationals – Writing Unforgettable Love Scenes with Christine Skye – and she addressed workspace briefly. She had a good trick for getting into her characters’ heads…headphones. And not just any headphones, but those great big orange ones you can get at Home Depot to block out sound – the ones you see controllers wearing on the tarmack at the airport. Now there’s an idea…I could block out my kids screaming. Oh wait….might not be the best idea. That could get me in some serious trouble.

Then she went on to talk about office space and got into a bunch of stuff I’m not sure I’m all that into. Like don’t put your desk between the window and door because your creative energy will flow right out of the room. (huh?) Or don’t put your desk in a place where your back is to the door because people can sneak up on you and you won’t ever feel comfortable. Hmmm….not so sure about these. In Nora’s chat she said her desk is against a window, she has a view of the woods…and yeah, her back is the to door. And I’d say that hasn’t hampered her creative juices.

So where do you write? If you have an office, where’s your desk? What time of the day are you most productive?

I thought some of you might benefit from this.

What Editors Don’t Want To See
(with Abby Zidle – HQN, Krista Stroever – Steeple Hill, Mavis Allen – Silhouette)

1. Queries with crazy opening questions.
Be upfront – why you’re targeting that line, what the story is about. Give a brief bio, but only relevant information.

2. No fluff bags – they like bubble wrap bags.

3. Synopses that don’t show character emotion and growth.
Synopses needs to show not only the plot but how the characters change and what their emotional connection is. Esp. important for Harlequin. Must give the ending, and show an example of your voice.

4. Overdone conflict they’re tired of seeing .
A) Characters who were foster kids and as adults have trust issues.
B) Man burnt by love and now can’t trust his heart again
C) Character whose parents divorced and now has intimacy/commitment issues

5. Plots they don’t want to see.
A) Minister hero falls in love with the bad girl heroine.
B) Romantic Suspense – Heroine has a stalker but refuses police protection or doesn’t call the police when something bad happens.
C) Fake Marriage plots
D) Wimpy heroines
E) Romantic Suspense – Two handsome men, no other suspects. Hello. Dead giveaway. Need more than two suspects.
F) Romantic Suspense – Scooby Doo Endings
G) Big city girl who washes out and goes home because she couldn’t cut it. Tired of seeing the city as the big bad guy, and the small town as the place of salvation
H) Finding faith only in a small town as opposed to the city
I) Witty dialogue that doesn’t move the story forward.

And of course, they were quick to point out for every one of these items they “don’t” want to see, there are always exceptions to the rules. Write a great fake marriage story with only two handsome suspects, and they still may look at the book – all depends on how it’s done.

Finally getting around to posting some pictures from Nationals. Only a few weeks late.

Here’s me with my partner in crime, Piper Lee, at the welcome reception. (I’m the sexy blonde. LOL) Did I mention she kept me up until 2 am every night? It was a week-long slumber party.

Another with Danita and Paty. They dragged me to the casino to gamble. All I wanted was a free drink. After losing $11 in the nickel slots, Piper so eloquently informed me that drink wasn’t free. (Piper Party Pooper)

Lissa Manley, Danita Shattuck, Leah Vale, Paty Jager.

A small part of our group after the Awards Ceremony. Danita Shattuck, Piper Lee, Paty Jager, Alice Sharpe, Me, and Genene Valleau. We were all dead tired because it was midnight and we’d been sitting for over three hours. It’s a wonder we could still smile!

The queen of procrastination can waste a whole day perusing writer loops. I’m sure I’m not the only one (gasp! I hope I’m not the only one). And to prove a point, I did just that today. (When I should have been working on chapter 19…grumble, grumble)

Now, I’m on several loops – so many that I can’t even keep them all straight. I look at My Yahoo Groups link and my eyes cross. Among the many are my local RWA loop, the KOD loop, RWC, RWAPro loops (I think there are four), RWA loops (again, at least four), the RWAProNationals loop, AskAnAuthor (um, two maybe?), The Knight Agency loop, Romance Contests (had enough yet?)… I could go on and on (don’t worry, I won’t.)

And even though I’m on all these loops, how many am I really active in? One. Just my chapter loop, to be honest. I peruse the rest daily (along with several blogs I won’t even mention here), but I’m very hesitant to jump right in and start offering advice. I was pretty active in the RWC loop way back when, but sort of dropped off as I was writing more and more. And now, I’m just not sure I have all that much to add to the conversations. It’s not like I’m agented. It’s not like I’m published. I haven’t won ten-thousand contests, and I’m not the type of person to toot my own horn and brag about all my requests. And someone else will always offer the same comment I would have made, so what’s the big deal?

The big deal is I miss the camaraderie. Especially from other writers. I posted a few times on the RWAProNational loop, but just didn’t feel comfortable enough to get into it. And then I missed out on meeting some great women at Nationals who were all there. My own fault.

But since coming back from Nationals, I think I’m a bit more hesitant to jump in to all these other loops for one very big reason…people actually read all these posts!! I met lots of people whose names I recognize from these loops – some pubbed, some not, but it really made me sit up and think before I start shooting off my mouth and posting on loops that are basically, public domain.

So what’s my point? Well, yesterday I read a post on a loop by an epubbed writer which grated on my nerves. It was an “I’m great because of this…” type post that had nothing to do with the question that was being asked. And it got me thinking. This particular writer is also active on a lot of the other loops I peruse, and it just reinforced to me how your image is so easily spread from place to place. How you put forth that image is what counts. And being nice and not know-it-all-ish on the loops is soooo important. This particular thread totally reinforced that to me.

Not sure if I’ll jump back in on some of the loops or not. My mouth tends to get me in trouble when I get too involved in certain things, so for now, I’ll probably keep my lips tightly shut and go on reading.

And procrastinating when I should be working on chapter 19…

Snarky moods can be good for the muse.

21 pgs today and counting. I’m now in the middle of chapter 18.

It’s a wonder what one can accomplish when she puts her mind to it (and plops her butt in the chair).

Of course, it’s probably all crap, but a crappy page can be edited. A blank one cannot.

(And I am sooooo going over 20 chapters. Thank goodness for editing…and hacking, slicing, shredding…)

Ever feel like good things are happening to people around you and you’re just standing still? Been feeling like that a lot the last few days.

Paty placed first in the paranormal category of the Great Beginnings Contest. Way to go, Paty!!! Carol recently finaled in the Maggie. Linda has uber-exciting news she can’t quite share yet, Joan’s agent is about to send her book out to publishers, and Piper got to be in a movie.

And me? What have I done lately that’s super exciting?

Not one darn thing.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Substance: Woman
Symbol: W02
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 45 Kg to 225 Kg
Occurrence: Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface normally covered in powder and paint film (thickness variable according to age)
2. Aromatic odour.
3. Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
4. Melts if given appropriate treatment.
5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes if stressed excessively.
6. Bitter if used incorrectly, may become sour with age, can sometimes be sweetened up.
7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin material to common ore, pure specimens are relatively uncommon..

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Great affinity to Gold (Au), Silver (Ag), Platinum (Pt) and all precious stones.
2. Capable of absorbing great quantities of expensive substances.
3. Liable to explode spontaneously, without warning or reason.
4. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.
5. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.
6. Insoluble in liquids, but greatly increased activity when saturated in alcohol.
7. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental – especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

HAZARDS
1. Highly volatile and dangerous except in experienced hands (highly dangerous in inexperienced hands)
2. Delicate handling required.
3. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens).
4. May begin to swell if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE
1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Substance: Man
Symbol: M+ (Free radical most desirable)
Discoverer: Eve
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 65 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 55 Kg to 115 Kg
Occurrence: Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as “singles bars”. Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface normally covered in grease and fur oxidase except at apex of specimen
2. Surface liable to tarnish, stain and attract dirt.
3. Pungent or stale odour.
4. Usually inert, but correct stimulus can promote a reaction.
5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes under strain.
6. Bitter if used incorrectly, sours with age but can sometimes be sweetened up.
7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin grade to base material, but pure specimens hard to find nowadays.
8. Not one of the ‘noble elements’ (usually found in combination with Woman).

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Great affinity to alcohol (ethanol).
2. Capable of liberating quantities of expensive substances if treated correctly.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a female.
4. Softens and wilts when soaked in hot water, greater rigidity at cooler temperatures.
5. Insoluble in liquids, especially inert after saturation in alcohol (athough this state is preceded by an initial and noisy period of increased activity).
6. The most powerful money producing agent known to woman. High valency – capable of multiple bonds with Woman.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental – especially during Match of the Day or Formula One racing.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
1. Pure specimens turn pale and shrivel when discovered in the natural state.
2. Behaves erratically when placed alongside a superior specimen.
3. Localised expansion and rigidity when excited.

HAZARDS
1. Dangerous in inexperienced hands – unpredictable when activated
2. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens).
3. May induce swelling if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE
1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.

I have nothing of interest to say. So I will leave you with some words of wisdom courtesy of Paty:

WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN’S REVENGE

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, ” but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”

He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”

Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?”

He answers, ” You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………. so does she.

( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…30,000 to a man’s 15,000.

The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”

The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….”HEBREWS”

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,”Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.