Okay, not a totally naked rant. More like a naked mannequin rant.

The dress I bought to wear to the Rita/GH ceremony at Nationals is gorgeous. I totally love it. It’s black, full length, halter style, fitted but not skin-tight. Classy. Elegant. Perfect. The problem? The back dips down just low enough so a regular strapless bra won’t work. I would love to be able to go sans bra, but alas, after nursing three Gremlins it’s not in my future (not without some serious surgery). So, I went looking for something that would work. And I found this: The Flex Body Bra. Touted as Hollywood’s Red Carpet Secret.

I ordered it. It came in the mail this week. And I tried it on.

Oh. My. God. I have NO idea how this thing works!!! I spent like an hour trying to get it on. The sticky parts kept unsticking. The whole cup area kept falling off. And I never even got close to the “cleavage” it promised. After spending $45 on the sucker, I’m more than ticked. It came with two lines for directions and nothing else. Two lines!!! A woman with a Masters degree should be able to figure this thing out, but for the life of me, I can’t.

Anyone ever used one of these torture devices?